i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
