I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
