did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
