1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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