I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
