There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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