Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Found the puke drawer
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
