I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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