I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
