yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
