Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
