I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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