I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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