So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
