I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
