return my video game
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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