i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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