so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
