dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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