Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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