My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
