Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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