Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
