I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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