Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
