forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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