and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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