i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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