i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
