Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
