i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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