apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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