And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
