May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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