Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
