the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
