i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
