just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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