Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
