It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My penis needs a shock collar
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize