turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
How's work?
Spinning.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
