Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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