The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
