i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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