Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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