I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
