Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
