I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
