how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
