ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
